Polyamorous Relationships

I offer individual therapy for folks who are single or part of these relationship dynamics. I’m happy to support you with personal introspection to figure out where a pain point is coming from, self-regulation to be able to be present in challenging conversations, and learning effective communication skills to say what you feel and need. If you’re looking to work as a dyad/triad/group in session, I would be happy to recommend some excellent therapists with that expertise!

I’m here to support you regardless of how you describe your relationship dynamics or structures. While there may be some differences between the many non-monogamous labels, I’m more interested in what the dynamic means to you and your current or potential partners. And if all these labels sound like word salad, perfect! We can unpack the ever-evolving “definitions” and see what label best aligns with your experience. Or decide that a label is not necessary to pursue the meaningful relationships you are looking to build/maintain. What matters is that you get clarity about what you are seeking so that you can communicate that effectively with others.

Jealousy and insecurity are common experiences across all types of relationships and may have more opportunities to be triggered in polyamorous relationships. Eliminating jealousy is not necessary to have a fulfilling relationship (and may be an impossible feat!). What’s important is learning how to respond to these thoughts and feelings when they arise.

In our sessions, we might get curious about the flavor of the insecurity: Fear of abandonment? Not being chosen? Feeling unseen? That gives us more clarity on the kind of care you can give yourself and ask for from others. As with most relationship-induced pain, the solution will likely involve both personal and interpersonal shifts.

Boundary setting is certainly not unique to polyamory but naturally comes up more often when we are engaged in more relationships. A boundary is a commitment we make to ourselves that is sometimes phrased as an “if… then…” statement. (e.g. I value non-monogamy so if a potential partner is not interested in that dynamic, then I will not pursue them romantically). Boundaries typically act as guard rails to protect us from potential hurt. Boundaries (agreements with yourself) are different from rules (requirements of others) and agreements (mutually agreed-upon parameters). All three might come up along your polyam journey!

The common threads amongst boundaries, rules, and agreements is that they require self-reflection and communication. Therapy can help you identify relationship needs/wants and how a boundary can support those needs. We can work together to generate language to effectively communicate those boundaries or collaboratively create agreements with partners. Effective communication rooted in self-love and self-awareness can help you define agreements around time, emotional support, and intimacy. Setting clear with expectations helps to build relationships that are rooted in trust and mutual respect.

What a great time to start therapy! So much learning occurs early in our exploration of polyamory. I would be happy to be a compassionate guide who can relate to this journey. Together, we can help clarify your personal and relationship values, how existing or new relationships may evolve, and build skills to care for yourself through all the shifts. You don’t get extra points for white-knuckling through it alone. Whether it’s through therapy or a peer community, treat yourself to the caring support you deserve.

If you’re here and questioning, that’s a great start! Learning more about your values and how they do/don’t align with non-monogamy could be a helpful next step. Reading books on the subject, following non-monogamous content creators, and meeting other polyamorous folks can give you a clearer picture of what a relationships with more than one person might be like.

Have you done all this introspection and research and still aren’t sure? Having an affirming, educated, and polyam-experienced therapist could help you work through remaining confusion or uncertainty. Therapy is a great way to give yourself a supportive space to explore your feelings, discuss your concerns, and consider what relationship structure feels most authentic to you, no matter where you are in your journey.